i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
nutella sex= disaster
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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