I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
one might say we're banned from that church
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
