Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
