The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
