She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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