I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
