Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize