either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
