You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
