Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
