Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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