I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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