Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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