The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
