he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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