I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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