i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
