oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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