I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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