wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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