i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
