You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
