I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
