Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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