Slut skills are useful in every country.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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