In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
