I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
