At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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