you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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