She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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