I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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