First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
