peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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