I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
