worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
