one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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