I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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