my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
