we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
