the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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