no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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