I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
