I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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