ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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