I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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