I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
