Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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