They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
