You were right. It hurts to walk today.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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