a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
