closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
