Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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