I murdered the dance floor call the cops
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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