My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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