I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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