maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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