Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
