In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't think brook has ever known best
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
